Evening Hosts Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Program

Late-night's top entertainers devoted the broadcast criticizing President Donald Trump's recently unveiled immigration initiative, labeled the "Trump card," describing it as a obvious cash-for-residency scheme for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Analysis

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a mock Christmas tune targeting the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, checking it twice, and then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "Trump ... ruins all he handles."

The subject was the new plan which enables foreign nationals to purchase U.S. residency for the price of one million dollars, with a "premium" tier for 5 million. A government portal promises processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick note here to affluent foreigners: prior to you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He explained that the card is also intended to "get cash" from businesses wanting to hire skilled workers, with hefty payments. "That is a lot of fees, but if you register, you also get free accommodation at a hotel of your selection – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he added.

"The most thorough background check the U.S. government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants completely are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"Here's a card that will let rich foreigners to live here," he stated. "For a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choice."

"Maybe it's time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your poor masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the form, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Exactly, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Issues

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining approval ratings during financial anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term because they were mad about the economy," he said.

This week, in a attempt to tackle cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a array of grocery items, where he reacted peculiarly to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"He's so extremely weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing conservative news arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he laughed.