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The current year signifies a ten-year milestone since the phrase “vanishing” hit the public consciousness. Back then, the notion that someone could abruptly cease communication with a partner without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, finding a mate has only become more bewildering – an oftentimes pointless endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by online slang.

Zoomers, a cohort who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a concerted attack on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier terrain than their millennial elders could ever imagine. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” straining the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

Below is a comprehensive glossary to the phrases this generation is using to discuss love, intimacy and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most viral memes, by the end of this list you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – In the view of gen Z, romance's ideal is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s reaction is interested or disinterested. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This refers to choosing someone who helps you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people form a link while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do budget-friendly dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it describes partners who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of being guarded: embracing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Personal habits indicating a potential partner is bad news. Examples include calling their former partners crazy, subpar tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions affirm your decision to date a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe niche, largely inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their purse, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing fosters intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and frequently trivial dealbreakers that immediately extinguish any feelings of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an incredibly sweet display.

J

Careers – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {