Navigating my Yearning for Casual Encounters Whilst Pursuing a Committed Partnership
As a homosexual male in my late 40s, I’ve spent many, largely enjoyable years pursuing casual sex with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I was in a serious relationship which continued for a significant period, but I never felt completely content, in that I felt neither loved nor intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, I have always craved casual sex. Every time I start to date any man, once the newness dwindles, I always get the urge to be intimate with new partners again.
Questioning the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment
Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to maintain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that numerous homosexual males engage in open relationships, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed demanding, frequently causing significant heartache and envy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I want a partner to care for me while allowing me to remain sexually free, but I dread to imagine the psychological toll this might create. Is it best to keep having casual sex and accept that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I’m feeling a bit lost.
Every person’s intimate path varies. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your ability to handle different types of intimate connections in a finite way. Your needs in your current state could easily shift down the road; eventually you may find yourself less ambivalent and find greater understanding and a suitable route … or not. At some point you might meet someone who provides a life-changing chance for you by reflecting your desires in a holistic fashion … and at another point you might decide that casual connections suit you best. Worrying about what lies ahead and playing the “What if?” game is simply rooted in fear and squandering of your energy. Aim to stay in the moment in your relationships, and see the value of every individual you connect with intimately a sexual connection. When and if you are ever ready to deepen genuine closeness with a single person, you will know.
- Pamela Stephenson Connolly practices as a American therapy professional focusing on treating sexual disorders.
