Those Words shared by My Parent Which Rescued Us when I became a First-Time Parent

"I believe I was simply just surviving for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to manage the challenges of fatherhood.

However the truth quickly became "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health complications during the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her chief support as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. It was a talk with his own dad, on a public seat, that made him realise he required support.

The simple statement "You aren't in a good spot. You must get some help. How can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While society is now more comfortable addressing the strain on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his struggles are symptomatic of a wider failure to communicate between men, who still internalise damaging ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a sign of failure to ask for help. I didn't do that quick enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the space to ask for a respite - taking a couple of days overseas, outside of the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotion and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences caused his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "poor actions" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as a way out from the anguish.

"You turn to substances that don't help," he notes. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Managing as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you feel overwhelmed, speak to a family member, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the pursuits that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. It could be playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, getting some sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other new dads - sharing their experiences, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help is not failure - taking care of yourself is the best way you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their struggles, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… processing things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, sometimes I believe my job is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."